thoughts of the night...

thought of the moment: I'd been a very good girl for such a long time, but obviously not good enough. I just flushed my last meal down the toilet a few hours ago
other thoughts:
I haven't seen you in such a long time, I was expecting myself to be missing you more, but sadly enough, I'm not! I guess I'll have to blame it on the too many events that have been going on in my life lately.
what is it that made us grow apart?
I don't think you truly realize how my feelings have changed lately, not just about you but about everything! I have changed so much over the past year, you might even say I grew up. I have taken a few more steps down my path, but you just seem to be standing still! or even if you are moving, it's certainly not in the same direction.
I talk to you now and your like a total stranger to me, I don't know what you like anymore, I'm afraid to be myself around you because I know it might not be convenient for you. but in a way -a dark way- I intend to be more than my average self around you sometimes, jst to get at you, see how you'd react to the little things that you don't like about me!
but I don't even think you're noticing it! and that's where the problem lies!
the differences between us get clearer everyday, and I become more and more aware of the mistake we're making. the mistake I'm making for not telling you how I feel!
I love you. this is a simple truth I cannot change. I cannot break your heart, and I do want you in my life one way or another, but somethings have to change.
sometimes I feel like we are perfect for each other,I'm totally relaxed around you, we're like best friends laughing and joking and talking about everything, times like these make me wanna spend my life with you. other times nothing on this earth seems more wrong!
some things just have to change between us!
you have to stop pushing too hard, because when you do that I'm like a cornered animal whose only option is to bite! and guess what? everytime you push too hard I end up being the bad guy in the relationship! why can't you just take no for an answer once?
I'm tired of spending half my time fghting you back! I don't know how long my energy would last!
we have to know whether or not we want the same things, because if we don't then there's no use of walking down this path together...

too bad you're never reading this