time after time I read her email, at first it was all a haze, then certain words seemed to get in focus; "I'm not the type of girl to fall for a guy this fast", " see/hear/FEEL you soon(er than you think)"...
and I realized for the first time that my instincts never lied to me!
he would have called me crazy if I told him I felt there was another girl! but now that I saw it with my own eyes, I need no more proof...
maybe to him he ended it when he talked endlessly about my not so flawless personality, when he told me tht there was no way of us ever being together, even though he'd just said that he was never going to love anyone like he loved me a few minutes earlier...
would I be crazy to think that it should at least take him sometime before he was ready to see other people (I don't care if she's from another country, or if she's a fling) I care that she said she couldn't sleep last night cause the sms he sent her flooded an ocean of emotions she didn't know she was capable of!
I don't care if he doesn't love her or if he still has a thing for me, I care that he got close enough to a girl that she could actually say this!
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, we aren't together anymore, well we haven't been for quite sometime. but we've been on and off for the past two years, and everytime he left he came back, and now I'm just wondering how many times he made a fool out of me! how many times did he have a fling when he was away then came back to me begging for one last kiss goodbye?! how many times did I CHOOSE to be blind?!
it hurts really badly
and I have no one to blame but myself!
I was always good to you, I never did anything to hurt you
at least I deserved the decency of being honest with me
we were over a long time ago, and I never held on to you, you were the one who always came back, you stopped loving me a long time ago, but you just abused the love I had for you to fill your stupid emotional void!
of course you'll come running back to me, I know it, just like you did every time!
no one will ever love you the way I did! no one will ever care for you like I did... you'll realize that and you'll be back, but it'll just be too late
you know what? it's already too late! I know what you are. and I know I want nothing to have to do with you
you gave me a happiness I might never experience again, but you also caused me enough pain to make me never wanna trust anyone ever again!
you accused me of making your life miserable, and you were the only reason for my misery!
you said I didn't make you laugh, and the only thing you did was make me cry!
you've only been hurting me lately, and I've taken enough of your crap!
when you ended this, you asked me for the one thing you didn't give me "RESPECT" you didn't respect me when we were together, you went around doing stuff behind my back thinking what I didn't know couldn't hurt me... but guess what hun, I DID know! I know you too well, and I can tell when you're lying! I knew every time, EVERY GODDAMN TIME! but I just told myself I was wrong!
I asked you not to hurt me, but look what you did...
you could have left a better memory
you could have ended this without causing too many scars, you needed to give yourself a reason to stop talking to me, so you just came up with all that crap about my personalities being incompatible! we've been everything but incompatible since the day we met! and if we were so like you said, why the hell has it taken you two fucking years to break up properly with me?????!!!!
and you know what?! the thing is I KNOW this isn't over, because you've done it SO MANY times! but it's so different this time, I'm NOT crying over you
I won't any more!
I wasted too much of my life thinking you were worthed!
too much of my precious time