Insomniac, one more time

I've been having some trouble sleeping for the past few days, lying in bed for hours eyes wide open with everything and nothing on my mind.
I suppose I'm making up for all those days my brain chose to shut down and send me to sleep every time things got out of hand. it's always the extremes in my case, I either sleep too much or hardly sleep at all.
I won't complain, though. life moves on no matter what...

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I used to play a little game when I was a kid, a make-believe game of my own. I used to imagine I was someone else I knew, my mom for example, and I used to put myself in her shoes and watch her all day long, everything she did I used to wonder how she felt about it, everything she said, I used to try to guess what she would say next! sometimes I thought to myself that if I concentrated hard enough I could actually BE her, see things with her eyes, hear things with her ears, think with her brain. and the actual me would just disappear into thin air. and it frustrated me not being able to blend my soul into hers! of course I was just a dumb kid who eventually grew up.
but if anything, that game taught me something, and that is to "feel" other people. maybe that's how I'd been all along and that's why I came up with the game in the first place. and maybe it got me used to putting myself into someone else's shoes every once in a while, see with their eyes and think with their brains.

I'm in your shoes right now, but it no longer feels like a game.

three two one

-and I suppose it's gone from bulimia to anorexia! I haven't eaten in almost a week, lost myself a decent 4 kilos and I look like a walking skeleton... and the weird thing is, I have double the energy when I work out at the gym, I DON'T get tired, I could just go on forever!

-I've been having a lot of second thoughts about my life lately, about who I am -who I'm going to be- and about what I'm going to do this year and the next and the ones to come. I never seem to be able to come up with a plan, I suck at plans. but then again I suck at being random and spontaneous.

-a certain phase of my life is ending (hopefully) and for the first time in my life I'm WANTING to turn the page and start a new one. God give me the power to be strong.

I still get depressed a lot, I refused my doctor's offer to hook up with anxiolytics, I figured if I got used to them I'll never let them go

-I've decided to do my best to keep my friends, no more slip-ups, no more stupid mistakes. people do have an energy limit to what you do to them, after all...