In$0mN!A

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

something urges me to call her...
I feel like I was unfair to her.
they're doing the same thing right now!
if anything, I should be mad at THEM, because they know the state I've been in lately!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

the pain is RAW!
I don't miss him. but seeing him HURTS! seeing how well he's managed to kick me out of his life and cope with it so well, seeing him close to all my close friends.
I'm under too much pressure, the pressure of dealing with being without him, and the pressure of acting like I'm fine with seeing him everyday when I'm not!
I have no energy in me for this, it's like I'm wilting, dying little by little everyday... I need to be away from him, from all of them. I can't take this anymore.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

in the dark I lay my head onto my knees and let the tears silently fall...
I can no longer explain the reason why my tears come, but I have learned to cope with them like a mother does with her handicapped child. my face has grown expressionless with a faint upside-down smile, the life in it (in me) has faded.
I keep myself busy, I try to work hard, I read, I paint, I work out (despite my chest condition) but the emptiness in my life keeps getting harder and harder to ignore... something is missing, a purpose to all that I do.
they say that humans are blessed with the ability to forget, I remember they way my grandfather smelled (a little bit garlicky), I remember how in KG I wanted my mother to buy me a pair of cheap yellow scissors like the one my classmate had, a pair of scissors that I later stole from her and watched her father beat her because she lost it, she is now one of my best friends.I never gave it back and I never told her. I remember the pain I felt when I overheard my best friend making fun of me to other girls in class, I remember a lot of things that I'd rather forget. and now I keep remembering the one single thing that I want to forget the most!
it takes time, with me it might take a lot... my mother always said it always took me a lot of time to do anything but once I did it I did it well... I may not be a fast learner, but I'm a good one.
and hopefully, this is one thing I might eventually learn to do; FORGET