in the dark I lay my head onto my knees and let the tears silently fall...
I can no longer explain the reason why my tears come, but I have learned to cope with them like a mother does with her handicapped child. my face has grown expressionless with a faint upside-down smile, the life in it (in me) has faded.
I keep myself busy, I try to work hard, I read, I paint, I work out (despite my chest condition) but the emptiness in my life keeps getting harder and harder to ignore... something is missing, a purpose to all that I do.
they say that humans are blessed with the ability to forget, I remember they way my grandfather smelled (a little bit garlicky), I remember how in KG I wanted my mother to buy me a pair of cheap yellow scissors like the one my classmate had, a pair of scissors that I later stole from her and watched her father beat her because she lost it, she is now one of my best friends.I never gave it back and I never told her. I remember the pain I felt when I overheard my best friend making fun of me to other girls in class, I remember a lot of things that I'd rather forget. and now I keep remembering the one single thing that I want to forget the most!
it takes time, with me it might take a lot... my mother always said it always took me a lot of time to do anything but once I did it I did it well... I may not be a fast learner, but I'm a good one.
and hopefully, this is one thing I might eventually learn to do; FORGET